So, today is my due date. I thought this baby would come early but, alas, I’m still waddling around and waking up in the middle of the night trying to analyze whether or not I feel labor-ish. Since this is my second kid, you would think I would have better intuition about these things. Either way, I’m getting impatient, which is kind of silly because it’s only just the due date.
I find that this happens when it comes to things you are waiting anxiously for (emphasis on anxious). You worry in one direction (will I going into premature labor? Will he have to go into the NICU? I don’t want the baby to be born before my mom gets here! Will everything be OKAY???) until you reach a certain point, then–rather than being sensible and stopping with all the worry–you just shift tracks: Why hasn’t the baby come yet? What if he’s going to be so late that they won’t allow natural delivery? Will everything be OKAY???
I’m a little less of a worrier now than last time, but I find that this parallels how I’ve functioned throughout my writing/publication-seeking process.
Will any agent ever answer my query?
Will I ever get any requests?
But what if I never get any really good requests?
(gets great requests)
What if they all say no and I have to start all over again?
(gets offer of rep)
And so on, and so on. I get excited to receive my edit notes, and then immediately transition to nervousness (what if I hate the edit notes? What if I just lose all my mojo and don’t know what to do with those notes?). I reach the next stage in whatever work I’m doing, and spend a little while being thrilled before going right back to uncertainty and concern. I am not, perhaps, as neurotic about the whole thing as the above would make me seem, but I do get pretty worked up sometimes and I wish I was better at just spending more time in the “Well, here we are at this stage, let’s just enjoy the process” phase, than instantly jumping into a new set of concerns every time something new comes up.
But that’s the way of it, isn’t it. Books, jobs, adventures, kids, you name it. You worry that the baby will never sleep through the night, then you worry they’re sick because they sleep too much. They get through one challenging phase just to enter another. You write one set of books just to find that that was only the beginning. You get to be all skilled at raising kid number one, only to realize that number two will be a completely different person and you know precious little about them. As of yet.
Any minute now, kid. We’re ready!